Libyan "Analysis" of US Election [Joke]

Here is a guest post/joke. By Abdullah Elmaazi slightly edited by Jason Pack the original is available here.

No doubt you will have your own analysis of why you think Barak Obama was reelected last night but maybe you want to read what really did happen from a source of mine. A Libyan political analyst, versed in the wheeling and dealings of power, called me this morning to tell me what really happened in the USA presidential elections. He has learned the truth by having many conversations with movers and shakers in Benghazi. The truth is that Obama wouldn't have clinched the election if it wasn't for a deal he cut with the Bani Ohaions . The deal is for Barak Obama to appoint two cabinet ministers from among the Bani Ohions in return for their make or break support. These friends tell me that it’s a major package deal between Obama and the Bani Ohaions in which Obama betrayed the people who adopted him and made him what he is today the Bani Illionoisiyyin.This morning after they discovered the deciet, the Bani Illionoisiyyin are furious with Obama , hopping mad and screaming treason . Bani Illionoisiyyin have a long history of conflict with the Bani Ohaions going back to their first battle on the football field in 1897. Its possible that they might unite with their civil war enemies in the south to block the confirmation of the Bani Ohaion ministers in congress. Don't even be surprised if the Bani Illionois  bus armed members of their militia ( The Bani Illionoisiyyin National Guard ) to storm both houses of congress and prevent the confirmation vote from taking place altogether.This might explain why the Bani Ohaion insisted on having the Inland Security Ministry as one of the departments under their control . The other being of course the treasury . Part of the deal will be for the Ohio department of transportation to assign the contract, for the Cuyahoga County – West 73rd Street relocation and new bridge construction as part of the Lakefront West project, to the first cousin once removed of a close friend of, Michelle Obama brother, Craig Robinson . The contact originally budgeted for around USA 32 million dollars is now expected to exceed 250 million dollars and will require help from the Federal government. These analyst friends also pointed out to me what they perceive as a growing anti-West coast sentiment among people of the North East coast because of resentment over favourable weather conditions on the Pacific side of the country. This is met by a growing secessionist movement on the West coast fuelled by complaints of people on the West Coast having to pay for damage done by frequent East Coast hurricanes and tornadoes . Historically people on the East coast joked about the decadence and the vanity of people of the West coast who among other things boasted of their horticultural prowess claiming unrivalled power for their San Francisco grown flowers while People of the East coast mocked people of the East coast for naming their most important street after a wall.My friends warn that in the midst of these tribal and regional issues the future of the USA hangs perilously in the balance. These friends were not able to corroborate their analysis with evidence acceptable even to a Libyan integrity commission but as you very well know , the burden of proof is never on the analyst. Do you have evidence to challenge the basis of this analysis or are you like the rest of Americans content to reside in a bubble of complacency pretending it’s all about swing states ,demographics, Latino vote , abortion, and all the nonsense about this mythical creature called ISSUES . ? 

HA!